So simple, yet so elegant

While browsing through tumbler accounts today I happened across this photo:

While the idea is pretty simple, I love what it symbolizes. And no, not just the obvious sharing of your heart, but with a person not being whole without a heart that is full and in one piece...


Original photo web address here

Where did that freight train come from?

Everyone around me has been dropping like flies.
It was inevitable that this was going to happen.
While I do rarely get sick, I have fallen victim to the illness just like the others.
Last night I felt like I was on fire.
I hacked up a lung and still have yet to find it.
The nausea was the worst of it... (my weakness, I cannot stand nausea)
But with the proper medication, and the right support (and the sleep I got last night did wonders) here I am, in a decent, but medicated, state.
Now I must ask myself... is it really fair for me to be here?
Or am I making my sickness worse by wishing I was not here so badly?
The power of positive thinking works wonders... and right now I want to think about how my 8.5hrs of vacation time would be better spent on a nice warm beach...
... nice..... warm.... beach........
Ow.
Feeling better already :D

Something I am realizing as the days go by.

My Valentines - A rundown

Valentines Day.
When you are single, this day seems to inevitably make you feel inadequate and alone. But when you are with someone, it is a day that makes you feel special. It is a day to look forward to with excitement. This year was one of the first years in a long time that I actually was one of the ones who got to have this excitement.

Here is a rundown of my night:
4:00 pm: Leave work and run to the mall for last minute pick up
4:45 pm: Loose car (again!) in mall parking lot
5:15 pm: Arrive home and proceed to get ready for an anticipated departure time of 6:15pm.
5:30 pm: Find out that he wants to pick me up and that he will be there at 7.
5:31 pm: He then decides to make it 6:45 to counter any tardiness that I may be incurring.
6:00 pm: Ready (whew!)
6:45 pm: Find out that he is not going to be there until 7. Hmm.
6:50 pm: Find out that my mom is on her way and will also be there at 7. Double Hmm.
6:59 pm: Open the door to run down and get E and find B walking up the stairs with a beautiful bouquet of red roses and lilies in his hands (aww).
6:59 pm: Hear my mom, my sister and E also on the stairwell but a little further down.
7:03 pm: Introduced my Valentine to my mother and my sister (ha!), E smiled and said "oh its YOU!" with a huge smile and proceeded to give him a piece of his coveted wonka bar.
7:05 pm: I loose my purse in the excitement
7:10 pm: We leave, head to vinetopia for dinner reservations.

(Bet he didnt think that he would be meeting my family this soon, eh? But the look on his face when I pointed towards my mom's car and told him that my family was right there didnt make me think that it bothered him in the slightest... silly boy... little did he know that that just opened the door for his dissection later)

7:25 pm: Arrive at the restaurant
7:29 pm: Find out that they are not serving food as usual but only a "valentines special" which is $75 per person
7:32 pm: After I managed to stop choking on my gum (we were at a movie theatre restaurant after all) we decide to keep our reservation and be seated.
7:36 pm: K and J arrive
7:40 pm: Is that noise intentional? Oh yes, they have an obnoxious bongo band which consists of a piano, a guitar and, you guessed it, a set of bongo drums.
7:45 pm: Put our order in and proceed to wait for our 5 course meal to begin.
7:50 pm: Obnoxious bongo band finally decides to go on a break.
8:01 pm: Course One: Pinot Noir Sorbet - a delightful frozen treat with a silky smooth texture and a delightful Pinot flavor, but... probably more suited for a dessert than an opening course.
8:05 pm: Obnoxious bongo band is back.
8:15 pm: Course Two: Butternut Squash Soup - Absolutely delicious! I would have been happy with a big bowl of this soup, some bread and my wine for my entire dinner. It was very smooth, very rich and had a slightly spicy undertone. Did I mention that it came in what appeared to be an espresso cup? A standard for the evening has been set at this point.
8:16 pm: Seriously considering walking over to the obnoxious bongo band and asking them to keep it down a bit.
8:26 pm: Course Three: Salad - not good.
8:32 pm: Man-hands?
8:38 pm: Course Four: The Main Dish - Filet Mignon with Napoleon Potatoes and Summer Squash. I finished my plate! Well, aside from the potatoes. Not Good.
9:00 pm: Obnoxious bongo band packs it up for the night. (thank god, and no, I had nothing to do with it)
9:05 pm: Course Five: Cheesecake, Poached Pears and Chocolate Pudding with Sliced Strawberries. Hmm..

(not to say that I didnt enjoy the food, but for what they were making it out to be I was expecting 5 star restaurant quality food. Because of this I don't think that I will ever eat there again, even at normal prices.)

9:30 pm: Time to watch Slumdog Millionaire, just the two of us. A great movie which I would highly recommend to anyone who wants to watch a movie that allows you to walk away better than you were before. Very touching, very moving and an all around good movie.
11:55 pm: Run out to the car in the freezing cold where we proceed to go home for the evening.

Best Valentines that I can remember. Thank you...

A Quirky Comeback on Gun Safety

There are a few people that like to send me humorous emails; sometimes they are so so, but sometimes they really make me laugh.
This one took the cake:

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went momentarily silent and the interview ended.

Commitmentphobia is real

Men are so funny.
A friend of mine came over the other day to ask for some advice on what to get his girlfriend of over two years for valentines. Apparently she has been "putting the hints out there" for what she really wants, but to him, that subject is about as taboo as talking about plane crashes while flying over the Atlantic.
Commitmentphobia is real.
It is something that even the best of us suffer from on rare occasions, myself included (I mean, I dont even want to sign a lease somewhere because it ties me down for at least 6 months... why that should be a problem? Especially since I want to move more than anything.... I don't know.. Stability is something I'm always craving yet I never want to make sure I have it. Interesting)
but anyways... enough about my neurosis'.. back to my friend.
Don't you think that if after two years of being with someone you should know if you really want to be with them or not? And if you don't think that you want to be with them, why do you waste your time? Not only is it unfair to you, but it is unfair to the one that you are with.
So... stop with the deer in the headlights nonsense. Sure, Valentines is really just another day, but if it makes you sit down and think about the current state of affairs then maybe it actually is an important day (greeting card companies would most definitely say so, I'm sure). I say, either get ready to jump or get away from the edge.
But that is just my opinion.

The Life of a Diamond

Why is it that I always want what I cannot have, and once I start to get what I believed I wanted I no longer find myself wanting said object?
Why also is it that I am always finding myself wanting the same object over and over again, no matter how many times it has burned me in the past? Is it simply because I cannot have it? How can an obsession be fueled purely by inaccessability?
Why is it when I find something that would never hurt me, something safe and caring, something that I should be proud to call my own, I still find myself looking back to what I cannot have with longing? I find myself falling but bat away all hands that reach out to catch me. Why?

It is foolish to cling to dreams that reality is a far cry from.
It is foolish to want to live in the dark because no light will illuminate said reality in a fashion that can be worthy of pride; in a fashion that can even function.
It is foolish to throw away a beautiful diamond just because it doesnt fit into the setting you already had created.

Design a new setting.

Live from San Francisco!

This last week, a friend and I made the trek down to the city by the bay to spend the day, well, by the bay.

He had never been there before so I opted to show him the "sights", or moreover, the "sights" that every tourist wants to see but not necessarily the view from the local perspective. In fact, I'm sure that locals stay far away from places like China Town, Fisherman's Wharf, etc etc, but on this day I thought it would be fine to at least walk through them.
Oh, did I say walk?
Walking was definitely on the list of things to do that day because not only did I not want to deal with parking or driving downtown, I didnt want to pay $90 to rent a minivan for the day, or $120 for a compact car. I didnt want to pay even half! Just ridiculous if you ask me. So we rode the train downtown, walked a very, very long distance (all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge! and according to google maps, about 6.6 miles) and took a cab back to where we started.
We were only there for about 7 hrs, but it was a worthwhile experience. Anything that makes my body ache for 2 - 3 days after wards has to be worthwhile though, right?

I have a feeling that I will be making the trip back down sooner than later, but this next time I will be anything but the despised T word...

In Retrospect

Sometimes life is better in the dark; where you cannot see if that object is a tree, a light post or a moving car..

Writing is so therapeutic.

How else can I get the thoughts that I cannot share with anyone out there?
How else can I calm the race horse which I like to call my mind?
How else could I ever decipher what it is that I actually want for myself, for others, for anything?

One thing that I do know, I am not letting go of this one that easily.