If you love him, this is easy

I believe this one-hundred percent and expect the same consideration in return(see below posting). The hard truth of the matter is that people do not change unless they want to change. It takes a lot of effort to change any behavior and if they truly don't wish to change it, it simply isn't going to happen.
So instead of trying to mold a person into what you think they should be either accept them as they are, or walk away. It is what is going to happen in the end anyways.

A Milestone

When people start posting spam comments on your blog, that means you have become someone, right??
Because today I received my first spam posting (posted on my bday post):

Hi Friends,

I Find Absolutely FREE PlayBoy & Penthoushttp:

www.Iwontpostyourlinkhere.com

If I find something else I'll inform you.

Best Regards,
Maria

It has now been deleted of course, but I was touched that Maria thought so kindly of me to inform me where to find nudie magazines on my bday. :)

Turtles in Antarctica?

This is so me right now.

While I am sitting here attempting to work, my mind keeps wandering towards other things...
Unfortunately, 4pm is creeping towards me slower than my sister in Antarctica. Or a turtle. Or water down a drain pipe. Hmm, maybe there has been a slight success, I was just wondering about tourism and the actuality of drain pipes in Antarctica.. rather than, op no, there it is again ;)

Rest Stop

The pond has become stagnant. The ripples are gone.
The wind is still, without indication of change.
One thing is for certain: I have become restless in my life.
When all the wrinkles have finally been ironed out what then do you do with the iron? I'm so used to it being in my hand that even the thought of putting it down makes me feel uncomfortable..

Perpetual Darkness

I wish I wasn't standing in the dark.
I try and light a candle, but the draft won't allow the wick to catch flame.
My flashlight turned on, but the batteries died as soon as I pointed the illuminating light towards the shadows in the corner.
I would wait for daylight, but there are no windows in this tiny dungeon I find myself in and I cannot find the key to the door that I have been pounding on day in and day out.

Turn on the light switch you say? Stop batting away my hand.

Ten things you didnt know about me

My smart ass defiant streak started young when my mom told me not to touch the hot curling iron so I picked it up and kissed it instead.

I had my 15 minutes of fame, er, well more like 5 minutes (so that means I have 10 min left, right?) modeling Halloween costumes/lingerie on AM Northwest, a local television show.

I love peanut butter and banana sandwiches (even if I haven't had one in ages).

I am deathly afraid of sharks.

When I was in first grade we were asked what it was we wanted to be when we grew up and I wrote that I didn't want to be a doctor because I didn't like helping people (now I am looking into being a counselor? Ha!).

I flew on my first airplane at the age of 16. Los Angeles, CA was the destination.

One uf my biggesst petsy peevez is mizpellings

I once slept in the back seat of a rental car in a hotel parking lot near the airport to save myself $110. I then "freshened up" in the same hotel's bathroom in the morning.

I would rather pay the sticker price than have to deal with the headache of hassling with a salesperson. If its too much, I walk away.

I have been to 33 of the 50 states in the US (WA, OR, CA, ID, MT, NV, NM, CO, AZ, HI, AK, AL, FL, NC, VA, WV, MD, NY, NJ, ME, NH, MA, TX, OK, LA, AR, TN, KY, VT, IN, IL, MI, UT). I once was in a race with a former co-worker to see who could get to all 50 first, but lost interest after completing my Texas-Oklahoma-Louisiana-Arkansas tour. If I am going to be paying money and using vacation time I am going to go to places that I like! Why I have made Hawaii my destination of choice for my past two real vacations :)

Oh the power of music: The Fray - You Found Me.

There are certain songs that make a person stop and think. Whether that song is making you think of the past, the future or the present is all up to the perspective of the listener.
This song, well, it makes me think of all three.


The Fray - You Found Me
I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

Why'd you have to wait, to find me, to find me?

Is asking for love too much?

2008
Its been a(n)............ interesting year.
Full of its ups and downs, but honestly, this year has felt like there have been more downs than ups. I lost my best friend of over 4 years over a comment made about McCain losing the election. I lost another good friend of not so long of a time frame over a guy. I lost the one who called himself my best friend, one whom I was so happy to have back in my life, again over another woman.
Hmm.. so far it seems that the only bad things that have happened in my life this year have to do with relationships, but for some reason they have the capability to consume your thoughts and keep you from being thankful for the good things in life.
I have my health. I have a good job. I have a warm place to live, a nice reliable car and family and friends that love me. Maybe asking for love at this point is asking for too much?

My name is Rebecca and I make my own luck.

This last month has been, well, nothing less than challenging (as is overtly apparent in the subsequent postings), but I am going to say right now that my luck is changing. My luck is changing because I have decided to change it. Why should I allow myself to be helpless to deceitful feelings? Feelings that cloud my judgment and cause me to make decisions that I would not make if I was thinking with a rational mind. Why should I wait around for someone to come and save me when I can just do it myself?
Passion is very irrational. It is why in every other aspect of my life I do not put up with peoples nonsense. If there is something that is wrong, I fix it so it is right and if it is unfixable I throw it away. Not so when it comes to certain relationships which I have allowed to again consume me over the past couple of weeks, but I have finally closed the door and have thrown away the key. That was the final chapter in that book which has no reason to remain on my shelf. Luckily for me I have a fire blazing all ready for the few pieces of paper that was added to it this time......

[a change in direction]

Behind the stop sign.
Past the buildings.
Under the cliffs, but above the springs.
Before the forest.
Within the sands.
Clandestine alcoves stand proud.

A turning of the proverbial stone

After weeks of wondering if I should take action, after pondering over the repercussions, after deciphering why it was I wanted to do what I was contemplating (to no avail, at least at that moment), I finally decided to test the ratty old bridge and make my way across it. If it was to break, and I was to fall, I was to fall, but making it to the other side was worth the risk to me.

Now here I am, happy to be here, but whilst I thought coming to this side would put my mind to rest the opposite actually happened. One thing though, I thought that maybe I wanted to come here because I couldn’t, or because I needed to forgive and feel forgiven but in all actuality I know now I wanted to come because I missed being here.

Lots to think about, and believe me, my mind is reeling.

Lost

Maybe I am a little bit behind everyone with the newest Coldplay album, but I have a new favorite song..

Lost
Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you try to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

I was told one time that everyone has a soundtrack. The soundtrack of life. And currently, in my life, this is the song that I am on..

[title unknown]

I am kinda sad right now. Maybe I am going thru withdrawals. Maybe I am just upset with myself for always being so damn picky. Maybe I am just wishing that things could have been different in my life. I go up and down; it is truly like a rollercoaster. To be up so high, and then to crash down so low… being down here means that unless the ride is over then I will inevitably go back up again; it’s the nature of the beast. But being in these down moments, with this anticipation, makes it difficult to look ahead to the good times.

To not even trust my own judgment. To be smiling and laughing on the outside but so closed off and guarded on the inside that actually being receptive is impossible. To understand me takes a certain quality, the problem is that most people don’t even realize what it is they are truly dealing with… underneath the outer shell.

I need to get on a plane!

Where'd My Teddy Bear Go??

Closer... Closer.... Just a Little Closer... I promise I won't hurt you.... Too Much....
hehe
Something about this photo really cracks me up. Maybe it is because we always associate panda bears with lovable, fluffy creatures that make good bed buddies for children... this one... well, he seems to remind me of someone....

Deli Annoyances

Something that really bothers me about deli’s…
Why is it that whenever I order something from a deli, no matter where it is I go, if I ask for a half a pound I always, inevitably, get 2/3 lbs unless I raise a fuss when they say:
“ooop, I went over, is that ok?”
“is it a half a pound?”
“no, it’s a little over..”
“well didn’t I ask for a half a pound? Can you please make it a half a pound?”
Then I get a look of disgust as they take whatever it is (typically jo-jos for e) out of the bag. Come on, when you weighed it the first time it was at 1/3lbs… Why then would you put that same amount in the bag on the second scoop? That boy does not need to eat 2/3 lb of jo-jo's no matter how skinny he is.

I am thinking that I am going to start ordering 1/3 lb and when they “accidentally” go over, because I am thinking that they are told to always go over the amount people actually want to get rid of more food, I will actually get the amount I really want. Its kinda like if you are wanting me to be somewhere at 5:30 its prob best to tell me 5:20 lol

Denied.

Somehow I always want what I cannot have.
I know it’s not because I cannot have it that I want it because when I had it before I wanted it all the same. In this situation, however, I really don’t think that I will ever have it again. I feel as if I am saying the same things, over and over and they are not being heard. They are not even acknowledged.
To open up your heart and bare your soul to a person and then for them to just walk away is one of the greatest sources of hurt I have ever known.

If what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger then I am going to be one of the strongest women on the planet after this is finally done and thru.

And I am back.

After 14 days of pretty much doing nothing, I am back to the grind of my typical routine. I got up at 5:10am this morning and actually ended up leaving the house early enough to be a little bit early for work today (very unplanned, let me tell you).
I keep finding myself humming a tune for no reason what so ever
and I have actually been.............. Smiling!
I am sure this is just temporary, but I am basking in the moment :)

The [right] Thing

When you know what you are doing is the right thing yet it makes you sick to your stomach with grief and apprehension, how do you know that that truly is the Right thing? Who defines what is right? Why do I have to keep reminding myself why? Indicative facts should make the decisions, not an ill-informed, all forgiving heart.