What My New Years Eve 2008 Consisted Of.....

Do you have an Ace?
Go Fish!

I love my little family :)

An empty board does not an empty memory bank make.

Its hard sometimes to get used to things just to have them taken away from you. Glancing at my near empty board on my wall over there I can feel the effects of this first hand.
How to fix this?
I need to get out there. To replace those things I held dear with something better...
I need something to fill the gaping hole, pretending it doesn't exist only goes so far and what I have been filling it with lately just isn't enough.
*sigh*
Yet another thing to add to the list.

Makin' a list, checkin' it twice.... Oh wait, Christmas is over.

Things I would like to accomplish in the year 2009

1) Move to a different neighborhood
2) FINALLY finish my degree
3) Get my passport
4) Travel to Europe
5) Make more female friends (this is harder than one would imagine!)
6) Decide what I want to do with my degree and take appropriate actions to get there
7) Ski Mt Bachelor
8) Rollerblade on the Boardwalk in LA
9) Buy a Motorcycle
10) Learn how to ride a Motorcycle
11) Learn at least 75 new Kanji characters
12) Find happiness, even if that is just with myself

(in no particular order of course)

Who said New Years resolutions are only supposed to be things like quitting smoking or dedicating oneself to go to the gym for 2 weeks in January? :)

Love Postcards? Try PostCrossing!

Anyone that knows me knows I have a love of post cards. Whenever I go anywhere (outside of my own state of course) I make sure to pick up a few postcards that capture the area that I had been exploring. Whenever a friend goes on a vacation to somewhere new I always ask for them to bring me back some post cards which is most often well received because out of all the things that I could ask for, post cards have got to be the least expensive (and yes, it even beats shells from the beach because honestly, sometimes you just cannot find any good ones and who wants to spend their whole vacation scouring the beaches for a good shell?).
I was proclaiming my love of post cards on Twitter a couple of weeks ago when one of my friends told me about a little site called PostCrossing. This is a place where you can go and sign up to get postcards from around the world sent to you. The only catch is that you have to send some first! That's right, completely free (aside from the $0.90 international post card postage rate), very interesting and after finally sending out the five cards that I agreed to send out (the snow storm has kept me from going to the post office for over a week now) I can wait and see what shows up in my mail box :)

So far I have sent cards describing the Pacific Northwest to Finland, Tawain, Germany, and Estonia (if you are doing the math I actually got two different people from Finland). Anyone want a postcard? Let me know!

Is asking for love too much?

2008
Its been a(n)............ interesting year.
Full of its ups and downs, but honestly, this year has felt like there have been more downs than ups. I lost my best friend of over 4 years over a comment made about McCain losing the election. I lost another good friend of not so long of a time frame over a guy. I lost the one who called himself my best friend, one whom I was so happy to have back in my life, again over another woman.
Hmm.. so far it seems that the only bad things that have happened in my life this year have to do with relationships, but for some reason they have the capability to consume your thoughts and keep you from being thankful for the good things in life.
I have my health. I have a good job. I have a warm place to live, a nice reliable car and family and friends that love me. Maybe asking for love at this point is asking for too much?

Time to get out of the water.

I am riding the wave to the shore; the shark will have to look elsewhere for his lunch today.

My name is Rebecca and I make my own luck.

This last month has been, well, nothing less than challenging (as is overtly apparent in the subsequent postings), but I am going to say right now that my luck is changing. My luck is changing because I have decided to change it. Why should I allow myself to be helpless to deceitful feelings? Feelings that cloud my judgment and cause me to make decisions that I would not make if I was thinking with a rational mind. Why should I wait around for someone to come and save me when I can just do it myself?
Passion is very irrational. It is why in every other aspect of my life I do not put up with peoples nonsense. If there is something that is wrong, I fix it so it is right and if it is unfixable I throw it away. Not so when it comes to certain relationships which I have allowed to again consume me over the past couple of weeks, but I have finally closed the door and have thrown away the key. That was the final chapter in that book which has no reason to remain on my shelf. Luckily for me I have a fire blazing all ready for the few pieces of paper that was added to it this time......

[a change in direction]

Behind the stop sign.
Past the buildings.
Under the cliffs, but above the springs.
Before the forest.
Within the sands.
Clandestine alcoves stand proud.

So sick of rollercoasters.

Is it really too much to ask to expect a little stability every once in a while? To have something that you can count on, something that you don't have to worry about disappearing when look away for a minute?
All my life I have been looking for something like this, and I have come to find out that the only thing that I can count on in this fashion is myself.

Where is my umbrella?

So its a day for the record books..Not only has my boyfriend been pretty much ignoring me all day (unless there truly are, again, issues with telephones but.. I don't know) but a friend of mine just stood me up for drinks. The waitress in the bar somehow threw away my order and the beer that I did get was less than desirable. I am now hungry since my food was never ordered and thus never delivered but all I have in the car to eat is rainbow twizzlers which, well, are like the beer. I'm half afraid to drive home being that things typically come in 3s which means I'm due for one more thing...
There was one slightly funny incident.. I half stole the parking spot I'm in from, unbeknownst to me at the time, a group of guys who were seemingly so impressed with my move that they asked for my number. I, having a boyfriend, of course declined, and was expecting a confrontation when they pulled back beside me, but at least I got a good laugh. I needed it. Now.. About getting home..

I have a new favorite song - see how quickly it changes?

My ipod was dead so I was listening to the radio on the way to work today. As I was driving down the road intent on picking up my lunch - a caramel sundae fully equipped with whipped cream and a cherry on top - this song started playing on the radio.
I instantly related, and after googling who it was by on my phone, I downloaded it as soon as I got to work.

Beyonce - If I was a Boy
If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell everyone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

(Chorus)

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

(Chorus)

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

Title Track - Love Hurts, Incubus.

While it may be better to not inform people when you are hurting, if even slightly, sometimes it alleviates the pain when a person puts it out there...
Getting into the relationship I am in was a decision that I made, knowing the repercussions of said decision. Knowing that it would be difficult. Knowing that there would be many, many issues to be faced and hopefully overcome. I didn't think that I would be feeling so solemn this early in, but maybe that means that the issues can be overcome earlier.. and earlier is better than later any day......

The song which is stuck on repeat at this moment:
Love Hurts - Incubus
Tonight we drink to youth
and holding fast to truth
don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
but love is now a feat
as common as a cold day in LA
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing
Love hurts
but sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like i'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me
'Cause without love I won't survive
I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
should I surface this one man submarine
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth
I'll never lose what I had as a boy
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing
Love hurts
but sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me
'Cause without love I won't survive
Without love I won't survive
Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me
'Cause without love I won't survive
Love hurts, oh
Love hurts
Without love I won't survive
Love hurts, oh
Love hurts
Without love I won't survive