The Curse of The 2nd Date.

I am doing it again.
I may have found a good guy but I am about to pull the plug.
We went out on date #3 today (which is a milestone for me of late) but I just wasn’t feeling it. I sat there in pretty much silence the whole time. Its not like anything changed per se, but I just don’t know.
Lately I have been feeling very dismal. Very down. Gloomy. Out of sorts.
Why?
I don’t know.
There is nothing facilitating it.
I should be happy right now.
But I am not.
I think that it is time for me to just be alone to figure myself out. What I want out of my life. My school has suffered enough. E has been away from me for much too long. I need to stop forcing things and just left life happen.
And that is the last of my whininess. I’m sorry everyone.

Double Booking?

I do believe I am committing a forbidden sin by scheduling a date with more than one person today… but my schedule has been so jam packed lately that I do not see any other way to do it!
At around noon I have plans to meet up for lunch with Mr. Xerox and then I have plans to go to the theatre with Stanford’s Guy later tonight…
Time wise, there is no way they can overlap, and I will not be skipping out on one so I can see the other so would this then truly count as a double booking?? I am not committing a Charlotte; there is no way they would run into each other outside of my apartment to discover my *atrocity*……… so I think I am in the clear on this one :)

A very nice evening (SG1)

Last night Stanfords guy and I met up for date number one at Roux off of N Killingsworth. I stress the N because for some reason when I looked at the map before I left I thought I was going to NE and ended up being about 10 minutes late because of it. I must say that I arrived at 1700 NE Killingsworth on time though, because I do want credit for that.
So we meet in this restaurant and have one drink a piece and after chatting for a while see that if we are going to make the play that we have to go and we have to go now. So we stroll down to the car, drive to the pearl, find a parking spot right away and head into the armory. The show started at 730pm; we got there at 734pm and they would not allow us to go in…. I was so close! So close!! Haha
So from there we decide to go get something to eat. He asks me if there is anywhere in particular that I wanted to go but I wasn’t really hungry at that moment. I was thinking that I wanted to try something different since I have pretty much been everywhere in the pearl so he suggested this French place downtown (about 10 blocks away or so). Alright, lets get walking (he asked if I wanted to get a cab but my feet were not hurting so I opted for walking, I was thinking that it would make me hungry anyways). So we get down to the restaurant and guess what??? Not only is it closed but they are tearing the thing apart! So… what to do now? It was at this point that I remembered that I wanted to try Andina, in the Pearl, but didn’t feel like walking all the way back there and all the construction on the road where we were reminded me of the melting pot… which I have been wanting to go back to for quite a while now. Melting pot it is.
We get there, they say it will be about a 30min wait so we head into the bar and proceed to order some drinks. I had one of the most perfect key lime pie martini’s ever and he ordered a Manhattan. I will say that the smoked salmon cheese ball was quite good; the crackers were not… unless you like stale crackers that is (they were the type of crackers that are supposed to taste that way, because they were “fresh out of the package” apparently; after I made a comment about them they brought us out some more).
Dinner was good… I was really impressed how he took charge of a very, eh, difficult situation when it came to getting the food we wanted. Impossible you say?? Nothing is impossible hehe.
It was a very, very fun night. Conversation flowed, laughter was non stop. At one point we were having a very heating discussion about why Mars doesn’t have an atmosphere now and if there was water on the planet where did it go, etc. I found myself half yelling! Spewing out numbers, facts and figures that the average person doesn’t just know…. It was great!! Those are the sorts of conversations that I love having but never seem to find anyone to have them with…

It concluded on a very high note and I am still smiling today. Its funny, when I am in a good mood people seem to approach me more. I have had more “hi, how are you doing??’s” today by total strangers then I think I have had in the past 6 months combined… all because I don’t look like I want to kill someone today. Hehe. Makes sense to me… I’d be afraid to approach me too. But with this smile, finally the good side is coming out to play.

:)

What to do, What to do..

I am sitting here compiling a list of possible things to do tomorrow night on my date with Stanford’s guy.

Currently on it is:

Beavers game at PGE Park

Rock climbing at the Portland Rock Gym

“The Little Dog that Laughed” at Portland Center Stage (Armory)

An Original Post Card Art Show at City Hall

Mad Caddies, The Supervillians and the Schafers at the Hawthorne Theatre

For some reason Tuesdays are a common blackout date in events! Interesting and non interesting events alike…..
But if anyone wants a really great site for finding events in the Portland area try here. I am shocked and amazed as to how many different little theatres we have here. Its very exciting! Because now you know where you are going to be finding me…… haha

Uncharacteristically Me.

This last Thursday evening I had plans to meet up with a friend to try our luck at Afro-Cuban/Afro-Brazilian dancing. For some reason I just wasn’t feeling up to par with myself that day so I decided to stop and get a drink at Stanford’s beforehand because we were meeting at the Lloyd Center.
I get there, sit down at the bar and proceed to look at the drink menu. What I really wanted was a key lime pie martini but, according to the bartender, they didn’t have the crucial ingredient needed to give it the special *kick* so I decided to order a Vanilla Martini in its stead. It is around 7pm and this place is pretty empty aside from a lone gentleman sitting to my left munching on a caesar salad. I could tell he was looking at me so I may have glanced in his direction and smiled once or twice. My Vanilla Martini then arrives and to my amusement the thing is GREEN. I thought for a minute that maybe he decided to make me my key lime pie martini after all but after an initial sip it was distinctively vanilla. And very good.
So this was an instant conversation starter… he asked me what I was drinking and about 15 minutes of interesting conversation later I had to leave or be late, yet again. So I said my goodbyes and walked out the door. When I got outside I stopped and thought… you know, how will I ever really meet anyone good if I wait for the one’s that I am interested in to come to me? When do I ever just wait around and not try for what I want anyways? So I got out a business card out of my wallet, scribbled my name and cell phone number on it and walked back into the bar. I then walked over to him and said “you know what, I don’t ever do this but if you ever want to give me a call sometime you can feel free” as I slid the card onto the bar. He laughed, said he would call, and said that he was regretting not saying something sooner.
So we will see what happens.
We all know how I am. I’ll probably see him once or twice and then be done with him, just like all the rest. A person can only be uncharacteristic for so long…

One Night, Two Great Disappointments

Last night had to have been one of the most uninteresting dates I have had in quite some time. It was sub-par to the time I went out with an old friend’s brother’s friend just to break my record dry spell in dating. And in case you are wondering that date was more than horrible. He answered the phone with a resounding “Whaaaaas uuuuupppp” when he called to see what time we wanted to meet and the conversation degenerated from there.
So back to this date with Spiky-Hair Guy.
I was supposed to be there at 6:15. I left on schedule and even with a bout of unusual traffic I was almost there come 6pm. This was when he decided to call me to see where I was, maybe because he just got there and wanted to make sure I wasn’t waiting, but at the time it made me feel like he was disappointed that I didn’t make it there EARLY. Um, I arrived right on time. He should have been happy that I wasn’t late.
Since this was an internet set up I was advised to peek inside the window and if I didn’t like the guy or didn’t like what I saw that I should just up and leave right then and there. We all know that I could never do that; I am way to nice (I only get mean after you break my heart). So in I go, this time I make the call because I didn’t see him anywhere. He walks out… and he was ok looks wise. In this case it is his personality that I don’t like. He was very dry, very boring and didn’t have anything interesting to say about anything. I found this out over a very good Dungeness Crab Salad (w/mangos, AVACADOS which were missing but would have been great, asparagus and a little bit of lettuce) and a glass of wine.
The movie…
Well we can say that it was the second let down of the evening, but I will talk about that in another post.
We were sitting there during the previews and during the movie and he kept trying to talk to me about things even though the background sound was extremely loud, to the point to where we had to yell back and forth. Him asking me stupid questions and me responding with one or two word answers. I couldn’t even look at the guy, let alone anything else. I’m sorry but I don’t like the whole theatre knowing that I am on a first date with anyone. I could totally see myself as one of those poor women that I laugh at and make fun of when I’m in restaurants… one time while I was in the bathroom I contemplated the idea of just sneaking out, like I was a prisoner on my own date! But then I thought that I could stick it out the remaining 20min of my sentence… So the movie was over and he asked what I thought we should do. I decided at that point to play the “I work at 6am” card and tried to scoot on out of there (to my credit I really did work at 6am today).
On the way out to the car I had a lucky break…
I ran into one of my co-workers right next to my car and it eased the… is he going to try and kiss me and am I going to have to get in my car and take off before he can get close enough…. tension. (I have to say that the “Hey! What are the chances of meeting you here?? Did you see Kung Fu Panda? You really should take E to see that movie…” was the most exciting conversation of the evening).
From there I went home, filled my now starving tummy and curled into a ball on my bed in an attempt to sleep.
So much for my “interesting” evening.

The coffee date which lasted 6 hours.

So last night I decided to meet up with an old friend of mine whom I have been communicating with off and on for almost a year now off of a particular internet sight which will remain anonymous (rhymes with Thai Place lol). Lets call him, for lack of a better term, PSU Guy. We had always talked but never actually met which is very common which those sorts of relationships but I decided that I finally wanted to meet him face to face to see if we really did have as much in common as it seemed.
We met at Peet’s Coffee & Tea at 4pm in the pearl where we preceeded to talk and talk and talk until my stomach told me that if we were going to keep talking we would need to do it at a place where there was food. So from there we went and checked out the menu at this place right down the street from there but decided that it wasn’t what we were feeling like having at the moment. So we ended up down at this noodle place that was right atop of Blitz. After staring at the menu for a while he asked me what I was going to get to which I answered the Pad Thai. He smiled and said that was what he was going to get as well. So we sit down and I swear that that was the worst pad thai I have ever tasted period but I tried to eat it anyways (the chicken atop it was good at least) making a huge mess the whole time (bean sprouts were getting EVERYWHERE! Lol). So from there we decide that if we are going to be staying downtown any longer he was going to have to go and plug his meter so we start walking. He said he was parked “just a little ways away”. Ok, I really don’t mind walking, its actually quite refreshing and I hadn’t had a chance to make it downtown at all this semester so I was enjoying gazing at all the changes that had taken place since then. Somehow the city is always in metamorphosis. When we finally get the 12 blocks to his car we decide to head downtown to see if the parade is going or to see a movie. On the way I desperately needed a bathroom so I got use of my gym membership for the month and made a stop at the 24hr in the pearl. From there we make it downtown and decide to nix the parade in favor of a movie. I didn’t recognize any movies on the list and he was able to convince me to watch “Baby Mama” (I was pleasantly surprised to be honest in the quality of this film). So inside the theatre we went. At first we thought that we were going to get a private screening (it added fuel to my notion of it going to be a horrid movie) but it filled up quickly.
It is now after 10pm and we decide that its about time to get going. He walks me back to my car and I give him a ride to his car which is parked considerably further away. All in all it was a good experience. I am thinking I will see him again, but there is a little something…. That I think will be cleared up after date #2.

Bowling. Offically.

So.
Last night I had yet another date with Bachelor number 3 (pretty soon I will stop numbering them, but I find it humorous that I have had more dates and more options in the past couple of months then I did in the past couple of years). I'm done with the numbers... Lets call him Officer. So Officer and I met at his place and soon after left to go get something to eat and then go bowling. I am not a good bowler by any means and I told him to expect to beat me. I don't like it when people go easy on me so I told him to play to his hearts content. My goal was to beat my best score from the last time I went, which was 80, and I was very upfront and honest about this. I just wanted to have fun..... So he's up first... average run. Then I go.... Strike.... haha. "its a fluke, its a fluke! Really!"... I ended up getting a couple more strikes and spares... and the last set came up. The scores were close. Lets just say that he wasted the ability to have an extra set. Now its my turn.... I knock down 9 of the pins... there is one left.... I look at that pin with determination and I let that pin know who was going to win this game. He looks at me questionably... I laugh and get my ball for my additional set. I get ready to let go of the ball when I stopped and decided that I needed to start over... too much pressure... I sigh.... turn around and throw the ball down the lane... its right down the middle... that's right.. I hit it. So we sit down in front of the score table as it's tallying my final score... his was 115.... mine..... 116. hehe. Lets just say that I was proud. And now, since I said that he was going to get it if he let me win, I had to come up with a form of punishment. I didnt think I was actually going to have to come up with one, thus I had nothing in mind. Plus, since I really am not at that point with him I couldnt have him do the devious things that would be typical of this situation (not to the point, nor am I sure if I am ever going to be at the point.. but that is beside the point lol) I really don't know what to have him do..

Ack. Anyways, why is it that when I get to this point with men I always back away? I always find something wrong with them, something that I don't like and decide that it would be best to just not ever answer their calls again? Because that is where I am right now......

Split Intentions.

An Overview of Date Two.

I started the day off with the intention to be there EARLY. Since I was a little late for the last date I wanted to start this one off on the right foot. Lets just say that didn’t happen. First off, I don’t see how it is that I always seem to be running behind but at this point in my life I think its safe to say that its inevitably ME. You want me there at 7? Better tell me its at 6:45 (and you had better be damn well convincing because if I figure out its really at 7 i'll prob not be there until 7:10 lol).
Well in this instance I would have been fine, I would have been pretty much on time had it been downtown but it was changed to Bridgeport Village out in Tigard at the last minute which is considerably further for me to drive. Then, when I stopped to get gas I noticed as I took my debit card out of my wallet that my ID was not in its proper place. It was still in my gym bag which I so conveniently just put in my apartment. We were starting off at a bar! I am going to get carded! So I had to go home and get it. I called him, said “You are not going to believe what happened…” and he took it quite well. At least he is not one of those people that cannot stand it when someone is incessantly late. But this is the first time that I was ever THAT late to anything. It didn’t help that because of the beautiful day everyone and their grandmother was out driving, and driving quite slow at that.
We started at the bar Split. I walk in and he was sitting up at the bar drinking a Hefeweizen, I ordered a Black Butte Porter (because that was the only dark beer they had there, and it was from a bottle mind you). I did like the ambiance of the place, it was clean, crisp and classy. I wouldn’t mind going there again but next time I would like to sit at a table so that way I could be in a more comfortable chair. We were there for a couple hours, left around 9:30 to go find food and after getting up and walking, a bathroom. We stopped in The Pizza Kitchen to use the bathroom and that was it.
So we walked…
Want to eat here?
Nah..
How about here?
Hmm.. lets look at the menu.. yeah no thanks.
Here?
Oww.. yeah lets try it!
We ended up at a Mediterranean place where it was difficult to decipher the menu, even for me. He ordered a flat bread pizza (which did NOT come with marinara sauce but a roasted red pepper sauce lol), and after much deliberating on my part I was told that I wanted the one thing on the menu that they were out of for the day (that is always how it goes for me). The waiter couldn’t really explain to me what was in the Persian Meza so I settled for a Greek Meza. Well, I should have just gotten a damn hummus plate if you ask me because I really didn’t like anything on my plate. The pita bread was excellent however lol
From there we had to go, it was after 11 and I had to be at work in the early AM.
He walked me to my car...
....
Ha.

Quick Synopsis: I do like the guy, but I don’t know if there is true chemistry between us. There was no passion, no spark. He kept calling me innocent but I don’t believe that that was what he was truly seeing. I think he was misinterpreting my hesitancy and why I was holding myself back; innocence had nothing to do with it. And I do not find the fact that he has lost his ambition particularly attractive. I went into the date thinking that it was going to be the last one but I don’t know. I don’t want to lead the guy on… And I don’t want to waste my already sparse time.

Bachelor #2

Come on down…
To the local Starbucks in front of PGE park.

It was a busy day which consisted of a meeting with a good friend at the bottom of the hill at WSU, to spending way too much money at the Woodburn Outlet Mall with K to rushing back to get E from school. After throwing on a different shirt and a new pair of shoes, and making a mad attempt to straighten my hair I was out the door and on my way.
I get there, I park down the street and I make the call. I see him sitting in the window and can feel his gaze as I walk down to the crosswalk to legally cross the street and head inside. He stands up, smiles and shakes my hand. I sit down, nervously, yet with a smile. We started chit chatting for a little bit when I decided that I should probably get something to drink so I get up and get myself an iced chai latte (I don’t really mind paying, in fact if he would have offered I would have declined, but I don’t know if I like the fact that he didn’t offer..). After about 7 or 8 minutes I go back and sit down and the conversation continues.
We were there for about an hour and a half, and thanks to him there wasn’t a lull in conversation at all (he kept asking all these non-open ended questions). Now, the conversation with #1 was much, much better, much less forced or probed per se. It just flowed. This, well, I felt like I was talking about ME the whole time and I didn’t like it, but if he wanted to talk about something else then he shouldn’t have kept asking me all these questions that the only answer could be about me.
Around 5pm we both had to go, I had to get up to WSU to get a paper signed for my writing portfolio before 6pm and he had to get back to work. Since it was raining he offered to give me a ride back to my car. Ok, that would be nice. We get to my car and there was no awkwardness, but maybe that was because he didn’t even try to get a hug.
Hmm...
He meets all my requirements for what I want in a guy: educated, comical, attentive, tall, fit, etc. But I just don’t know.
He’s called me quite a few times since then, and sure, we do seem to talk just fine, but there is just something… missing…
Date #2 is scheduled for Friday at 7pm, that will be the breaker.

And they say women are hard to figure out.

Is there really a way to let a guy down easy, or do I have to be mean?
I don’t want to be mean, but I don’t want to be bothered when it’s obvious that I do not like you.
There are certain signs, certain things a girl will do if they like a guy. Believe me. I know.

a) First things first, they will give you their phone number.
b) Then, getting a call back is a for sure sign.
c) If asked out on a date, if they cannot go yet want to they will offer up a time when they can.
d) Not getting a response to a text message is not because they are just too busy. There is no such thing as too busy if you really like the person.
e) If you actually are getting a response and they suddenly become quiet after you ask them what they are doing this next weekend it is because they don’t want to tell you and give you false hopes (or they don’t want you to show up there unexpectedly), not due to any other reason.
f) Ignoring someone is not playing hard to get no matter how much you want to believe it is.
g) Never try to justify why you never hear from them; it’s probably because they are just not thinking about you and when a girl truly likes a guy they are consistently on their mind.

It really is as simple as that.
And they say women are hard to figure out.

My First Date since becoming a Singleton.

So I had a date on Wednesday but for some reason I was just not all that excited about it. I was actually quite sad. Sad! Sad I had a date??? Sad that I was going to have company? Someone that wanted to spend time with me? Someone that was going to sit down with me in the bar that I have been trying to get my last two boyfriends over the past 3 years to take me to?? Funny that that was the first time that I actually went there with a guy on a date. And the date…. Well….
I will say that the conversation was quite great.
I didn’t mind talking to him at all, in fact I actually lost track of time and ended up pissing off my brother in law off to the point to where I no longer have the use of them during the week anymore (ooooww, that man drives me crazy sometimes but whatever. I am not the one married to him).
Anyways.
I got there at around 8:05pm and as I was walking towards the place I could see him standing outside waiting for me. He really didn’t look like I remembered, but I was going to go inside with him anyways. As we were circling the place, hunting for a table to sit at, there was actually this guy at the bar that looked at me and smiled, he was quite attractive, but he stopped smiling at me as soon as he saw that I was with someone and I was too nice to ditch my date and sit down next to him (what do they say about the nice guys finishing last? Does it count for girls too?? I was told that I was the “nicest girl in the world” this weekend so now maybe I should be scared… haha)
So we end up sitting upstairs, at the very uncomfortable, talker unfriendly table and proceeded to wait for the waitress. He had just came from work, but is it really that difficult to maybe change into something nice-r, and maybe clean up a bit before you come and meet me? I know I made sure I was looking nice; I spent a good while trying to come up with something that wasn’t too nice, wasn’t too casual, wasn’t too presumptuous, wouldn’t give the wrong impression, etc. IE the perfect first date at a bar outfit. I guess that was too much to ask from him.
The waitress gets there, I order the classic “Black Cherry Walking Man Stout”, he orders some light beer that I didn’t particularly care for and we start talking.
Like I said, the conversation was great. I actually felt as if I came away from the conversation with knowledge that I didn’t have before. It was Ever-So-Refreshing to not talk about the same old crap that I always end up talking about! I like to be intellectually engaged!
We order some food and another round of drinks. I wanted to try something different and opted for an interesting sounding drink that was imported from Belgium. Ya….. it tasted like pine needles and something foul. I drank it only because it some how ended up being one of the most expensive beers on the menu. Even came in a cognac glass, which was the best part about it. Hehe.
Next thing we know, its after 11pm and really, I should be going. He asked if I wanted to go somewhere else, maybe down to a jazz bar around the corner, or wherever I wanted to go.
I had to go.
So he walks me back to my car.
He put his arm around me on the way and it didn’t feel right.
5 minutes later we get to my car and the awkwardness begins…
Since he did pay for everything I decided that I would give him a friendly hug but that was it. I give him the hug, say thank you, thank you with the idea that he would leave but he was still standing there… very obviously waiting for a kiss. Well, we all know that if I don’t want to do something, I will not do it. And this was one of those situations. So I smiled, I opened my door, said, “Alright, I’m leaving” and got in. I don’t know how much more obvious that I could have been but he stood there till I started it up and drove away.
I got the “just making sure you made it home ok” message
Followed by the “if you get bored on your day of relaxation send me a text or an email” message.
I did respond and say that I was home, so tired.. etc.
But that was it.
I am not going to waste either of our time. When he asked me a couple of days later if I had plans for the weekend I didn’t answer. Maybe that was mean, maybe I should have just told him that I didn’t like him that way. But I am not going to give him the line “we can just be friends” even though I really wouldn’t mind it because he is a nice guy, because I really hate to be cliché.

Broken

What do you do when your world falls apart, when the ground beneath your feet finally gives way and you are falling down farther then you knew even possible? Do you reach out to the one who pushed you thru the hole in the first place because they are the closest one to you? Do you spit in their face when they try to apologize? Do you even give them the time of day? What happens if when they pushed you grabbed hold and are bringing them down with you? Is it truly wrong to make them pay for what they did to you? Why should they be allowed to get away with doing horrific things without having to pay the consequences when you had to pay those very consequences yourself?
For once I am going to walk away the first time.
I am not going to be the one that is pushed down and comes back for more and more and more until I am so broken I cannot move.